First Day of Kindergarten

My oldest son, my firstborn, the child who first made me a mom five years ago, went off to Kindergarten today.  Truth be told, I didn't sleep a wink the night before.  I was obviously much more nervous about it than he was!   I'm so glad my anxiety didn't rub off on him.  After praying in the car this morning and parting goodbye with a kiss and hug, he marched along and didn't even turn back.

He surprised me.  I thought for sure, at the very least, he would tear up and quiver his lips.  But no, he just went in and followed the teacher without even so much as a blink.

It's funny.  I always thought I'd celebrate and dance in the streets the day I could send my children off to school full-time.  But it's actually quite bittersweet.  I want to do everything in my power to protect him, keep him safe, keep him from feeling sad, lonely, or alienated,and falling prey to peer pressure or bullying.  But I realize I need to let go of my own fears instead of imposing them on him.  God is watching over him.  I know that.  And I have to trust that every day.

I did miss him for those few hours.  And I know my little guy missed him, too.

CJ is happiest when he's with his little brother.

And daddy was so proud this morning!

And so was Grandpa.

And we can't forget Grandma and even our dog, Jazz.

All in all, the day could not have been better.

CJ, we are so incredibly proud of you on your first day of Kindergarten!  You usually have such a hard time adjusting to new things.  At the Kindergarten screening back in June, you cried and refused to participate.  The guidance counselor, other teachers, and I had to calm you down and coax you in.  What a difference this morning was from just a couple months ago!  You were so brave and did such an amazing job!  I was worried, because if you had a hard time, I knew I would, too.  If you broke down in tears, so would I!  But if you could be brave, then I could, too.

I praise God for giving you (and me) courage and peace today.

Love you, my big, brave boy!

xoxo,
Mommy

Five and Beyond

[Celebrating the gift of 5 wonder-filled, joy-infused, adventure-never-ending years of life
(pictured here with his brother & sweet cousins)! ]

Dear CJ,

On June 10th, we celebrated your 5th birthday with family.  I know it's so cliche, but I really can't believe how quickly time flies!  You went from a little peanut to this tall exuberant boy in what seems like a matter of minutes.  I remember trying so hard to imagine what you would be like while carrying you in my womb.  I dreamt of the endless possibilities for your future and could not wait to meet and hold you.  Five years later, I still dream of the possibilities and still am eager to see what kind of man you will become.

At five, I can already see the making of a young man with a strong personality.  In fact, you showed that side at 15 months and haven't turned back since.  You know what you want and don't want and aren't afraid to vocalize it.  This can be quite frustrating for a parent, but I believe (and am really, really hoping) it's a quality that will become a positive attribute in the future.  You are quite determined at whatever task is at hand and will get frustrated if it doesn't turn out the way you want.  And God forbid we try to get you to do something you don't want to!  Trying new things can be quite challenging for you, and it takes you a while to adjust (i.e. preschool, catechism club, swimming class).  You are certainly not laid back like your father.  In fact, you are a spitting image of me . . . looks, personality, and all (except, to my dismay, your disdain of spicy food).  Determined, easily frustrated, impatient, bossy . . . not qualities I would boast about.

There are some wonderful attributes though!  What I admire most about you is your curious mind.  You want to know how things work, soaking up everything around you and trying your best to process the information with what you already know.  And you're not afraid to be creative and think outside the box, either.  Anything and everything is possible.  There are no limits to your imagination.

And you still loves your veggies.  Friends told us you'd probably outgrow your love of vegetables at age 5, but it's really the only thing you'll eat.  I don't know too many other parents who have to yell at their kid to "Stop eating just your vegetables!  Have some chicken or meat, too!"

Though there are many days I am easily frustrated with coming head-to-head with this little walking-talking mirror of mine, I love you with all my heart.  I'm being refined and changed every day because of you, and I understand grace in a way I never knew before.  I also see great potential for you to become a man who is loving, compassionate, kind, thoughtful, and giving - just like your father.  It's my prayer you'll continue to grow in character, as I do so as well parenting you and your brother each day.

You are my joy and treasure, CJ.  I love you dearly.  Happy 5th birthday, sweetheart!

Love,
Mom

Mr. Chatterbox

I haven't been much for words these days.  My 2.5 year-old, on the other hand, is a nonstop chatterbox.

Watching this video, you'll note (1) he loves dinosaurs, (2) he loves to sing, (3) he's still learning his manners, (4) he amuses himself, (5) he loves dinosaurs, and (6) he is incredibly sweet and charming.

Apologies for the horrible video quality, but this was recorded with just a nightlight on.

The Terrible Twos and Keeping it Together

{ cj at his 2-year birthday party }

Do not be deceived by this super adorable face.  Behind those squinty eyes and big infectious smile lies a 2-year old monster. 

The terrible twos have invaded our household, and boy, can they be pretty terrible at times!  Granted, for the most part, CJ is fairly well-behaved and reasonable (for a 2-year-old), but there are also many a moments when he tests the boundaries and limits of what he can get away with.  He insists on having it his way!  And my patience runs low!

Once the boys were down for their nap yesterday afternoon, I found therapy in washing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen.  Therapy also took form in banging pots in the kitchen sink and slamming cabinet doors (I feel it necessary to confess that).  These moments sometimes take me by surprise, and when I calm down, I often try to figure out why it is I'm so flustered and boiling inside.

And the bottom line pretty much comes to this:  I insist on having it my way, too!

In many ways, I am no different from a 2-year-old.  Except I can reflect and better recognize my selfishness as sin (most of the time). 

Grace is so important.  It allows me to not be so hard on the kids, my husband, myself.  I think it's the last I struggle with the most.  I have this image of what the perfect mom should be like and fall so short.  And I get upset and disappointed with myself because my house is not in order, dinner doesn't turn out well, the kids are misbehaving, errands don't get completed, etc, etc.

Sound familiar?

Advice was recently given to me by a friend which I found very helpful: 

"Don't be hard on yourself.  You have to do what works best for you".   Meaning if doing a thorough cleaning once a month as opposed to once a week works for us, then by all means, so be it.  It's okay if every meal isn't made from scratch, and the kids watch a tv program or two just so you can get dinner ready or just have a moment to sit back for a little bit.

And secondly, "Enjoy the children and encourage them to be kids."  I so desperately want order and control in my house, but I realize my expectations of my children are unrealistic at times.   I want my 2-year-old to be perfect, but how can I expect that when I'm so far from it myself?

You really do just have to take a few deep breaths, get a hold of yourself, keep things in perspective, and not let the 2-year or 30-something-year-old tantrums get the best of us.  Extend grace mostly for yourself.

Happy 2-year birthday, CJ!

{ cj on his 2-year birthday }

Happy 2nd birthday, darling Christian! 

We can't believe how quickly two years have flown by!  And what a fine boy you're growing into (well, we need to work on sharing and not being such a bully to other kids).  But overall, you're quite the happy, energetic, and curious child!

You brighten up our days, son.  After a long day at work, Mommy and Daddy eagerly anticipate your big smile and bear hug upon entering the house.  We love hearing the words "mama" and "daddy" out of your mouth and how you eagerly take our hands to show us what new thing you've discovered or what simple joy has captured your heart for the day.  You remind us of the great wonders there are in small things.

We pray that as you continue to grow in body and mind each year, you would do so in spirit as well.  We pray for Jesus and His love to infect your heart in such a way it will be contagious and others will be affected.

In that token, we've set up a donation page in honor of your birthday:
http://www.onedayswages.org/birthday/cause/christian-jonas-sang

We pray others will celebrate by sharing the joy of simple treasures to those who go without every day.

We love you, sweet child, more than words will ever be able to express.

Happiest birthday wishes to you,

Mom & Dad